Charles Manson is a vegetarian? AND Hitler?

Interesting, but useless for the remainder of the article, as I plan on talking about eating out.  And for those of you vegetarians with critical thought capabilities, I sincerely hope you do not eat out often, or at all.  At most chains you have people who cook in the kitchen and simply do not give a shit about their clientele, since they aren't faced with them.  I know I wouldn't, which is why I wouldn't go out of my way to make sure I didn't use animal products in a vegetarian meal. 

Even if Lydia Guevara happens to be the relative of a dead communist revolutionary (Ernesto "Che" Guevara) I would still cook her veggie stir fry in bacon grease. 

  So if you are not the granddaughter of Che, and you eat out often there are a few things you can do to make sure you don't severely rape your well earned dietary progress.

The first thing to remember is that you are paying for the food you are eating, and you have the right to pick what the hell you want to eat, since you are a customer.  I often times get told that I am picky because I order food the way I like.  Here's an example of something you can do to make sure you get what you need to it, based on this principle of you being the customer:

Restaurant Goer- (walks into restaurant, sits down and peruses the menu, and a server walks up) Hi, I notice you have these chicken wings here, and they come with all sorts of weird sauces and breaded.  Would I be able to get them plain, non breaded and with blackened seasoning? 

Server-I don't know let me check/we don't have blackened seasoning, but you can get them plain and non breaded/No, they are only breaded. 

These are the likely responses.  I have not gotten anything deviant from one of the three in fact.  As a note, if you are at a Hooter's you can get plain blackened wings with no bread, but they taste as good as I imagine wallpaper would. 

Beef O' Brady's delivers

If the server checks with the cooking staff regarding your question, one of the next two answers is likely.  If the third answer is given, move on to different types of chicken.  Or ask for a beef patty.  Problem solved.  Just make sure to request that they do not cook the items you choose in bullshit--butter, bread, lard, etc.  Remember, you pay for it, so make it happen. 

If you want decent blackened wings, by the way, Beef O' Brady's a good alternative.  I know this because I work right next to one.  Other good options for those of you in Tampa--the Copper Top Pub.  Their wings are smoked, and taste great with salt and pepper.  Another option is Anthony's Coal Fired Pizza.  The wings come with onions, and are cooked in a coal oven. 

If you are really boring, you can always order a salad.  Make sure to ask for romaine lettuce, otherwise it won't be given to you.  Throw away the croutons, shitty dressing, and opt for eggs, meat, and other veggies and use some EVOO to flavor it.

If you are less boring, you can get a decent salad from Tijuana Flats, Moes, or Chipotle.  Remove the grains, (corn is one, fyi) and if you're strict into paleolithic eating, the beans and cheese too. 

Your best bet is to be less of a lazy sack of crap than I am, and make your own stuff.  It's its own reward, and it builds character to cook, and you can make it taste how you want.  It is also cheaper and you know someone isn't going to spit in your food for making them cook such deviant non-menu items.  But if you do eat out, remember that you do pay for it, and the job of the eating establishment is to provide you with hot chicks to look at, and feed you for your money.  Not necessarily in that order.