25 September 2010

Your back hurts? Quit fucking whining and fix it, Part 1

I was at the gym one day and I saw a guy doing something between a pullover and a lat pull down on the lat pull down machine.  There was a minuscule amount of weight on the machine, to top it off.  But this motherfucker thought he was really gunning his lats, I am sure.  Oh, and he had a weight belt on too.  What pisses me off is that I cannot find a hyperbolic picture to convey the message.

He and I had a brief conversation:

Me: Why are you wearing a weightbelt on this machine? And what's with the paltry amount of weight?

Idiot:  I hurt my back.

Me: I invited you to come lift kettlebells with me and the group. You really should, it will strengthen your back.

Idiot: I know man, but it's too hot outside.


I left, at that comment.  I live in Florida, for those who are unaware, and it is usually miserably hot outside.  However, if you train outside as often as you can, you get used to weather variations.  So, in short, he was making excuses.

Part of the problem of people whining about back problems (and I mean whining, I am not talking about people with slipped or herniated discs and what not, though they can use some back strengthening too) is that they don't have an ass.  This comes from sitting a lot.  Your ass is responsible for extending your hips.  If you got no ass, it's your fault.  And as a result  your lumbar will take the brunt of whatever external load you have to lift, whether it is in everyday life or in the gym.  Too much pressure, not distributed equally means you are fucked.

I bet Jaime doesn't have back problems.

This is just goddamn hideous.  
A technical term for this is called "gluteal amnesia."  The chick directly above looks as if she has "gluteal go fuck yourself I will never help you."

So what the hell do you do to fix this? I don't recommend going and start deadlifting yet.  Even though deadliftin is the shit.  Some things you can do to become aware of your glute include sex, kettlebell swings, hip thrusts, and bridges.  If you are a woman, take up pegging and become aware of your glutes.

This is what pegging is.  When you thrust in, act like you are trying to pinch a coin with your ass cheeks. 
  Here is the inventor of the hip thrust explaining how and why this is a good ass exercise.  Also, he wrote a 600 plus page opus on glute training at www.thegluteguy.com.  



Bridging is a good exercise not just for the glutes, but the spine as well.  Every time I ever overdid it on deadlifts and hurt myself, bridges always sped up my healing process.  Gymnasts know this stuff, and you can find information on it anywhere with a google search.  Here is an example of bridging movements.  (www.legendarystrength.com)

Fix these problems, and you can start working your deadlifts and stuff. I talk about kettlebell swings a lot, but I will include a video for completeness.


Spot on instruction on how to swing and not suck at it.  Remember, the bodyweight shit is the stuff you do before you hit the weights.  Especially if your back is really fucked up.  Don't lift a heavy weight until you are ready, and stop complaining about your back and do something to fix it.  Incidentally, bridging and hip thrusts and kettlebell swings can be done in your house.  So you literally have no excuse.

Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

3 comments:

  1. Besides...everyone can benefit from having a nice ass ;)

    Most back problems can be fixed fairly easily, unless the person actually broke something. People just need excuses to whine and be lazy.

    That ass in the second pic looked plain sad. Jaime's, however, is spectacular.

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  2. Peter, i do believe you have a spectacular ass.

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  3. Found your site from Bret Contreas. You are very fucken funny and insightful.

    Looking forward to more laughs and ideas from you.

    Jack

    ReplyDelete